Bungangera ka ba o Under da Saya?

Relationships are indeed tricky. A dynamic many have to contend with is that between the "bungangera" (pursuer) and  "under da saya" (withdrawer). During conflicts, some are inclined to persistence, while others tend to withdraw— opposite reactions that can only cause further discord.  Stephanie and Leo set out to understand the ins and outs of this phenomenon, share personal encounters, and unearth possible ways to rise above such toxic behavior.

Chapters

• 3:50 about the "under da saya"/withdrawer
• 8:55 "passive dependence"
• 12:20 about the "bungangera"/pursuer
• 15:40 Leo's experience being the withdrawer
• 17:45 our ego protects us
• 22:13 the bungangera's dichotomous thinking
• 25:35 Stephanie's experience being the bungangera/pursuer
• 28:35 Stephanie talks about being a couples therapist doing Emotionally Focused Therapy
• 32:45 all we want in relationships is a secure attachment
• 37:15 we come into relationships with perceptions of the world and ourselves
• 39:55 approach your relationships with curiosity
• 41:00 open yourself to other possibilities
• 43:45 draw boundaries
• 45:20 the tone matters a lot
• 46:45 the dangers of using "you" statements and how it can kick in the fight/flight/freeze mode